Two months of Haven. Two whole months. When I started writing this, she was newly one month old and, as most things these days, it’s taken me another couple (ok, several) of weeks to finish it up. Such is life in this season. 🙂 Regardless, I can’t believe I’m typing this, but our sweet Haven has been here for over two months now and we (still) cannot get enough of her. She is, quite literally, our dream girl.
Haven Kamri Thomas was born on Wednesday, February 1, 2023 at 9:15am. She weighed 8 lbs, 6 oz and clocked in at 20.5 inches long. She’s got the Thomas baby trademark of full cheeks and a dark head of hair, and we are all very nearly obsessed with her. I wanted to pinpoint this very moment in time because she is in that stage of life where there are new changes nearly every couple of days and she’ll never be this little, this new, ever again.Â
These early days are tender and fleeting, it’s special to have a timestamp, of sorts, of life as it is right now. What it feels like to have a two-month-old-Haven, a few memories from the day she was born, and a place to share some sweet photos we (and by that, I mean my wonderful sis-in-law) were able to capture of her as she was in the first couple weeks of her life.
The day Haven was born, we left our house around 5:00am on Wednesday morning for the hospital. The next three or so hours were a mix of slow, sweet, full circle moments and a calm, but focused urgency to just get her here. The hospital was quiet in those first few hours as people trickled in for the day and the building slowly started to wake up with the hum of the daily rhythm. God blessed us with some beautiful, sacred moments in those first few hours. Face after face would peek around the door and then come in with hugs and hellos, so many faces we know from years of doing this in this place, most of whom were there from the very start. While there were faces we knew and were expecting, there were others that we didn’t, some that just knew we were there from L&D nurses’ board that morning… faces that have held onto their own memories from “that day” and wanted to come in and introduce themselves, and share their version of the story of Kamri’s birth. It really was the most beautiful, tender way to spend the morning as we worked our way slowly toward our fourth and final delivery.Â
Those moments are treasures to us, both the familiar friends and the newly acquainted, because the truth is, anyone that “was there” really doesn’t even need to introduce themselves to us before we consider them part of this family of inner circle people who were there, in those moments with us, those years ago. It was beautiful getting to walk into the birth of our final baby surrounded by the people who really have, always been there.
8:30am came and it was time to do what we had come there to do. All of the nerves and anxiety from the night before (you can read some of those thoughts here), as well as the ‘afraid-to-believe-in-it-yet’ hope and excitement came together in one collective deep breath and we took our usual places in the operating room for the birth to begin. For the most part, everything went as planned. The procedure started and there were all of the familiar sights, sounds, and smells. What a full experience it is, filled with a wealth of good, triumphant memories and heart-stopping, full-body panicking ones as well. That day was a mix, as all of our births since Kamri’s have been. This one, though, maybe even a bit more.
After a lot of pushing and pulling and tugging and hard work  (on our doctor’s part… I just laid there), out she came. She was not an easy extraction because of her positioning she was in, compounded with the variables that come with this being my fourth C-Section… it ended up being quite the collaborative effort to bring Haven into the world (again… not on my part… I just laid there). Because of this, there was some stress put on her body (I’m not a doctor, I don’t know the right words) and when she finally did come out, we didn’t hear what we had been so desperate to hear.
This whole time, this whole pregnancy, we’ve operated with a “this is SO great, but she needs to cry” kind of mentality. It all comes down to that. If she breathes and cries when she’s born, then yeah, it’s awesome. But until then, this is still just a pipe dream. We’ve learned that nothings is guaranteed until it actually happens. So when Haven didn’t cry right away, it was everything we had not to let ourselves melt into panic mode again. We have a video where you can hear the nurses narrating to us what she looks like as they do her initial care and me asking, “is she breathing?” In that clip, Mitch is saying, “She’s just fine… she’s over with the nurses, they know what they’re doing… we’re going to hear her cry any second now… they’re not panicking, so we don’t have to either…”. Yes, yes, you’re right. And that’s awesome that she has hair and whatever else the reports are, “BUT IS SHE BREATHING?”
And then finally. Finally, she let out a cry, one wail after another. It took me a minute to hear it, maybe it was just slowly registering as real in my mind before I could really hear it. In that video, she interrupts Mitch’s encouraging and I can still hear the relief in his voice as he exclaims, “She’s crying! Can you hear it? Can you hear her crying?!”. Thinking about that little wail still sparks tears in my eyes. It probably always will. Haven was born at 9:15am on Wednesday, February 1, 2023 and an eternity after that, she cried. 🙂
The next few moments and days and now two months we spent taking her in, every bit of her. She’s a dream, the most wonderful final piece of our family. Like I said in the beginning, sometimes we still can’t believe she’s here.
The other night Mitch was saying that sometimes it still feels like she hasn’t been born yet, like the birth and her actually being here doesn’t feel real. For me, I am still wrapping my mind around the fact that she’s a physical reality and not just a dream that we’ve had that we’re still not sure will happen for us. I look at her and I’m still humbly blown away that I get to be her mom, that we get to be her family.
Speaking of the family, we are all doing really well. It has been a FUN two months. Moments of “holy crap, three kids here is definitely different than two” and “how do people get anything DONE with kids?”, but also “this is exactly where we’re supposed to be”. In terms of the boys… they’re doing great too. 🙂
They love Haven. I mean, LOVE her. The current running joke is that Holden is an enthusiastic, helpful lover of Haven and Calihan is the equally enthusiastic, “must be monitored at all times” sidekick.Â
Holden can always be counted on to run and grab a diaper or the wipes when we need it. He loves to hold her and I’ll often catch him stretching out next to her while she’s laying on a blanket on the floor, singing her songs. Last week, he got through “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”, the “Eensy Weensy Spider”, and “Wheels on the Bus” (with all of the hand motions) before he noticed me filming him and broke out in a giant grin. His favorite thing to do is to pick out her hair bows, carefully finding the perfect match to whatever outfit she’s in. It is really special to see how proud he is of Haven and how proud he is to fulfill his role as her older brother. He wanted another sister and what a joy it is watching his dream come to life, just like ours has.
Calihan is our resident “Haven-kisser” and update-giver. He absolutely, 100% of the time cannot help himself… he must stop, lean over, kiss her on the forehead, and sing-song, “Hi, Havey bell!” way too loud and way too close to her ear. It’s one of our very favorite things… he loves her so, so much and considers it his current calling to tell us everything she is doing at any given moment. A few of the regulars we hear are, “Haven cwying!” and “Ooo! He’s (we’re still working on pronouns) eyes are open!” He takes good care of her in the ways that his two and a half year old self can. When she cries, he will stop whatever it is he’s doing to find her and give her a pacifier. Their relationship is so special and Calihan is the sweetest mix of little buddy meets brand new big brother.Â
What a treasure it is to get to watch these boys love their sister so well. It is a gift we cherish, being on the front lines of watching them figure out how to be brothers to each other and their sisters, each with their own separate relationship. And in terms of our girls… well, we have to pinch ourselves nearly everyday that we get to be parents to both of them. What a gift it has been, one that we will never, ever take for granted.
Welcome to the crew, Havey girl… what a wonderful fourth and final you are. We’re so glad you’re here and can’t wait to see what God has in store for this foursome of ours.
So there’s the run-down on what life has been looking like these past two months. A mix of all of the things… some just like they were before and some totally and completely new and different. Life with Haven here is so very sweet and knowing that she’s our last baby has made us soak it up all the more.Â
Haven Kamri Thomas… first a name that God gave us and now a real, live little girl. Her name has been locked in since day one. Honestly, it’s been locked in for six years now, we just never knew if we’d have the chance to use it or not. Neither of us can remember exactly how it came to us, it just did and there was no question for either of us that if we had another girl, her name would be Haven. Haven Kamri.
Her middle name in honor of her big sister, the bravest, most loving girl we know… we hope that this name reminds her just how loved she is- by her siblings, her parents, and most of all, her Savior. We hope it ties them together with a bond that spans across earth and eternity, reminding her that this world is not her forever home and that the greatest gift she’ll ever know is an eternal life with God and when she needs a reminder of that hope, she can rest in the fact that her big sister is there and waiting for her. And finally, a reminder to us that there is life to be lived here on earth and until God calls us home, we get the privilege to live it fully and live it well.
And her first name, Haven. A sacred, safe place. A place of peace and joy and welcome. A place to land on, to rest in, to stay. Feels a lot like heaven. In fact, it wasn’t until just before she was born that it hit us and the full circle tears of joy and sorrow and heartache and triumph collide together as we realized why God orchestrated her name just so, all of those years ago. And for those of you who have walked this journey with us all of these years may feel the ripples of how “meant to be” she is flood through you as you read, or sing, this last bit. Haven… Almost heaven.
